


careless memories

by andreabibiana



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Dreams and Nightmares, Guilt, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 05:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1416988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andreabibiana/pseuds/andreabibiana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>fear hangs a plane of gunsmoke drifting in our room, so easy to disturb, with a thought, with a whisper... with a careless memory</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	careless memories

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not english native. Any corrections are thanked for and very much welcome.  
> (Summary and title come from the lyrics of Careless Memories by Duran Duran)

Dawn breaks darkness in the room, their room. Their eyes can barely keep open, but they are awake, not wanting to let go of the night. Albus, head comfortably lying on Gellert's chest, can feel both their hearts beating lightly. A hand keeps his hair tangled, red strands tangled in lazy fingers.

"It's breaking dawn." Albus says, quite uselessly. "But I don't want to go." He can't see Gellert's face or listen to his voice. But he knows his lips are moving underneath the sounds of the world waking up. Light fills up the room, unexpected, blinding. The door opens, and everything goes silent, but it's no surprise for Albus.

"My dear, breakfast is ready", Mother says, parting the curtains and contemplating the outside world. He looks her way and there's her figure cropping the yellow sky, no cloud in sight behind her silhouette. She turns to him, a strange smile painted in her otherwise expressionless face. "You must go". Gellert isn't under him anymore. He hasn't been for a while, but Albus just notices. He nods to his mother, because she's right. She's always right.

"Just a cup of..." he thinks out loud.

And right there, in his hand, fingers holding the fine handle of an opulent blue china teacup. Fresh herbal smell fills him with longing. But something's missing. He puts the cup back on the table. A blanket around his naked body, he sits at the Minister's office. And still, there's something missing, isn't it? "Of course", his hand moves to grab a spoon over the table. One, two, three sugars, stir a few times. Yes, it's done.

"I understand Mr Dumbledore, I really do", the Minister is saying, ceremoniously. Albus vaguely listens, his mind and sight on the cup. "But I've evaluated the situation and there's something amiss, something bothering me about it all." The Minister continues, his voice further and further away from Albus' mind.

"I know everything" then he hears, clear as daylight, and he has to look up. The Minister looks at him with eyes glowing in a sudden darkness. It's time to run.

Blanket left behind, he runs through the night. He should be freezing, or so he thinks. It's midnight and he's completely naked in the middle of the Forbidden Forest: he should feel the cold. But there's no time for that, he's got to keep running, because something is chasing him. He can hear the leaves crushing beneath its feet, echoing behind his own steps. Darkness is too deep to be careful, so he trips. He waits for his face to hit the damp soil, but his broken nose finds a harder, warmer surface to impact on.

He's not naked anymore. That's good. A black robe wraps his body, but feels certainly like is meant for someone else's. He's at Hog's Head. Even though the floor he's lying on is far too clean, he knows he's at Hog's Head. Carefully, he gets on his knees to discover he feels no pain after the fall.  
His brother is watching over him, standing, mock and resentment twisting in his eyes (his mother's eyes, his sister's eyes).

"I know everything", says Aberforth, pointing to the wall behind Albus.

Except there's no wall when Albus turns. There's Godric's Hollow, his youth's home. And he can see himself, his brother, his sister and his... Gellert is there but that doesn't seem to mean anything at all. Because there's something going on and he knows how it will end. Spells, curses, lights, it won't be long... His younger self explodes, out of control, and the horrified older Albus watches himself cast the most terrible light upon his sister's heart, knocking her lifeless body down.

"Stop please, stop", older Albus mutters between sobs while the scene repeats, realer, much more vivid with each iteration. He cries for help, but in his own helplessness he knows nothing can be done, but to keep on looking at Ariana's body falling to the floor over and over again.

Stop.

Alone again, his bedroom feels strange. A starry night outside the castle remains unknowing of his tribulations. There's tears in his eyes and sweat over his skin. The softness of the bed and pillows is unnatural to his exalted senses. A dream? No. A nightmare, he tells himself. It's over yet he's still crying, helplessly, breathing fast, a heavy heart in his chest keeping him still.

"Hush, love, it's alright now". Gellert is there again, but not as he was but as he is now, getting closer, sitting by him, touching his forehead like a mother's would her child's to check for fever.

Nightmare isn't over, he thinks, but he just can't deal anymore. He stays still while this Gellert... no, while this man that looks like Gellert but is a total stranger to him caresses him, kisses his lips ever so softly, dries his tears away and fills him with warmth. He can't resist, there's no will in his body and he no longer cares. Dream, nightmare, it's not real, so he gives in. He lets Grindelwald embrace him, guide him into his open body, surround him completely. Albus looks into Grindelwald's eyes and he wishes to be drowned in him, to be washed away along with his most regretful desires. But instead, he remains breathing, alive, so very alive, while Grindelwald moves in the dark, sparks and tension keeping Albus on the edge. Until he falls into his arms, a lover's embrace so unlike any he's ever had, lasting until his consciousness fades away with the night.

* * *

At breaking dawn he wakes, tears lingering in eyes wide open, body drenched with salty traces of the night's terror. The sickness takes over. He just wants to die.

**Author's Note:**

> (The setting is before 1945, but during the "war", in case it wasn't clear enough.)


End file.
